5 Ways to Bring More Joy to your Relationship (and your Life)

In this episode, Kate & Eric discuss transformative ways to cultivate more joy and connection in your life and relationships.

Topics:
➡️ Reconnecting with your inner child to rediscover wonder and curiosity.
➡️ Prioritizing self-care and well-being to create space for joy.
➡️ Surrounding yourself with positivity to uplift your energy and mindset.
➡️ Embracing spontaneity to break routines and invite more excitement.
➡️ Practicing gratitude and celebrating small wins to nurture appreciation and presence.

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TRANSCRIPT:

Eric MacDougall
So today we're talking about joy, about fun, about Yeah, this is like, your jam. Oh, my God, my jam. It was up to you.

Kate MacDougall
You were just like, Have a fun life.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, that's our teacher. And you came up with this idea because we're heading into the holidays, yeah, it's gonna be a really stressful time,

Kate MacDougall
yeah, and, and I think also, we kind of get buried in the like hum drum of the holiday to do. Is that a word? Hum drum? Hum? I made it up, yeah. So we get so busy with the things we need to do, when the people we need to please, and all of the presents we need to buy, and then we kind of forget, like holidays are supposed to be fun, like we're supposed to connect with our family and like, you know, I know for us, a huge part of our Christmas is like, when we have snow, because it's happened for a few years now, where we haven't had snow, but we'll go sliding, we'll go walk the dog. We'll make sure it's together. We'll make sure to do something that's not just running to the next dinner or the next brunch or making food or cooking in the kitchen all day. Like, yes, that is part of Christmas. And I understand if you enjoy that, that's great. There's some, there's some parts of Christmas that, yes, that is something that we do. But you know, what else are you doing that's fun? And when you are, you know, in the kitchen, or you're doing those things,

Eric MacDougall
how are you making it fun? Yeah. And I think these five things we're gonna walk through is not just something that you have to during the holidays. This is something you can just do in your life in general, yeah, to experience more fun, more pleasure, more joy. Yeah.

Kate MacDougall
So if you're listening to this in the middle of summer, don't turn it off. We're not talking about Christmas here. We're talking about fun, just general fun. And I think finding joy in your own life can really have a positive impact on your relationship. 100% you showing up as more fun, more playful, having a lot of feminine energy, it feels good. It feels good for you and it feels good for those who are in your

Eric MacDougall
aura around you, like being around people who are fun and outgoing and positive. Yeah, so what's the first one?

Kate MacDougall
The first one is to reconnect with your inner child, which I love? Which I love? I

Eric MacDougall
hear a lot of men groaning, saying, how much of a waste of time this is? No,

Kate MacDougall
it's not a waste of time. It's not, I want to say

Eric MacDougall
that this is really hard for me, yes, but it's

Kate MacDougall
because I think you need to hang out with more kids, maybe, yeah. Like, honestly, like, I think that is the biggest gift. That's actually a great point, because that we have as a teacher, and I think a lot of teachers don't. A lot of teachers complain about. Their job and say how hard it is and but it's like if you can stop and just admire the kids in your class, or admire your own kids. I mean, not everybody is able to be a teacher, but admire your own kids. Just watch them be curious about the world. Watch them ask the questions they ask. Watch them like in awe when you see something like for the first time, when they're discovering something for the first time, or just how much they love something so deeply. It's like our kid with playmobiles, like, oh my gosh, he could talk about playmobils for days on in and it's just, he's just got this passion for it. And it's like, when it's the last time I've been this passionate about anything, yeah,

Eric MacDougall
and I think it's for some of us, it can be really hard to connect to this part of ourselves, if we're always living in our head, right? If we're always thinking about the schedule and what's next, what we have to do, and why I'm always overburdened, and why I'm pissed off all the time, it's very hard to connect to your inner child, because that number one takes a skill, and number two, oftentimes you have to be in the present moment,

Kate MacDougall
exactly. I was just about to say, you have to be able to slow down to do this. So whether that's like, taking a walk in the woods and not just being like, okay, from one to two, I'm gonna go through the walk, and then I'm gonna get here, and then we're gonna go there. It's like, no, be in the walk and look at the trees. Like it's the first time you look at the trees. Pick up a stick and, like, hit it against a tree. Yeah, hit it against the tree. Listen to the birds, which you probably haven't heard in years because you're too busy, like talking or listening to your headphones to something or whatever. Like, be present in nature, like, see it, go ride a bike. Draw. When's the last time you picked up a pen and drew like, like, I know you used to doodle a lot. I like, if you look at I remember your mom brought home some high school books or whatever you had, for whatever reason, she still had them, but she brought them home, and you obviously worked really hard, because it was like, tons of doodles in them. And I was like, Oh, you like legit draws so well, and I had no idea. And we were like, in a relationship for many years when this happened, and I had no idea you drew and like, sometimes now you'll, like, draw something for it. Edzi, our daughter, like, when she's, you know, when she's home and sick or whatever. Like, you'll draw together, and you actually have a really nice talent for it. So it's like, When is the last time you did something that reminds you of your childhood? When's the last time you ate something that reminds you of your childhood? Now, if you're thinking of going to eat like Chef Boyardee, don't do it. I did that, and I was sorely disappointed. Some things are better left, yeah, some things just leave it in the past. Like I there was this can and I was like, so excited about it. I was like, yes, couldn't be so good. I love this recipe. Well, hopefully so

Eric MacDougall
connecting to your inner child really important. Does take effort and skill? Yes, but start in small doses, right?

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, just challenge yourself to, like, live in the present moment, sit in a room and watch your kids quietly for like, two minutes,

Eric MacDougall
yeah? Or like to play a board game or draw or color, like,

Kate MacDougall
just something that think of something you enjoyed doing before do it again. What's number two? Number two is prioritizing self care and well, being

Eric MacDougall
Ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah, so

Kate MacDougall
making time for activities like exercising, meditating, journaling, it brings us back to the present moment again, right? Kids don't have to think of what's coming up tomorrow. What do I what am I going to make for dinner? They don't think that they're in the present moment, they are like, I am here. I am now, now. I'm hungry. When can I like? That is how kids are. So as adults, we've lost that ability to be in the present moment. So doing things like exercising, meditating, journaling, this is things that force us to be in the present moment, that force us to stop making sure you're well rested, you're sleeping. I

Eric MacDougall
even think about, like, as I'm going through this whole coaching program, a lot of the stuff has been to, like, intentionally slow down and think about different areas and literally, just like, the way I eat my food, you know, now it's like, noticeable to me. Like, I look at our son eat his food, and he's, like, inhaling his food. I'm like, Man, that was like me before. And now it's like, I'm slowing down, I'm chewing my food like when I'm brushing my teeth, I'm intentionally brushing my teeth like I'm doing these small things that reaffirm that I take care of myself, yeah,

Kate MacDougall
and taking care of yourself makes you feel better, which allows you more space to feel And notice that joy. Yeah, you're feeling like crap. You're not going to notice the joyful moments around you, because you're going to be like, Oh my god, I'm not feeling good, I'm lethargic, or I'm exhausted, or I'm sick again, because you're not taking care of yourself, you're not exercising, you're not eating well, you're not prioritizing sleep, you're exhausted all the time. You don't have time to be fun or have fun or be joyful, because all you're thinking about is I am not feeling good. So by taking care of yourself, by being in the present moment, by doing things that that slow down your life and help you feel rested, feel better in your physical body, you will, in return, be able to feel more joy. Way,

Eric MacDougall
yeah, you're not gonna be constantly in fight or flight, right, freaking out, which I think is really, really important to think about. Exactly what's number three, my

Kate MacDougall
favorite, okay, one of my favorites. All right, surrounding yourself with positivity, nice. Yeah, we were talking about that earlier, how, like, we went to visit my grandmother in the hospital, and we're like, is a post office still on strike? And, like, we have no idea, because we don't watch the news, but there's an intentional reason behind that. Yeah, and it's just because, like, it's just not something that aligns with our life to, like, hear about everything going on in the world. It's like, not a pretty place out there, yeah. And this is what

Eric MacDougall
I always think about. You know, there's a friend of mine who says this all the time, but he says environment always trumps willpower, and this has a lot to do with surrounding yourself with positivity. Is that if you continue to surround yourself with people, with things, with media, with whatever that is impacting you in a negative way, right? That is taking away your energy, that is, that is changing the way you think, in a way that can be harmful to yourself, self, judgmental, all that kind of stuff that's gonna have a massive impact on your life. But if you surround yourself or put yourself in environments that are positive, that are light, that are loving, that are appreciative, that are grateful, you're just gonna have a better experience of life. And I notice that all the time. You know, one of the things that we notice by being with the guys in the mastermind is just like being in a space with men who can talk about their challenges but also genuinely care about each other, genuinely talk about their wins, talk about the great things in their lives, it changes the way you experience life. Yeah,

Kate MacDougall
and by surrounding yourself with people who you know have a positive mentality, think about things differently. Who who are looking at things like more inspiring, for example, like, if you're having a hard time in your marriage, and the only people you hang out with are people who are struggling in the marriage, always talking negatively about their husbands and and you're like, oh, I want to, you know, show up differently in my relationship. I want to have a good relationship. But the only people you hang out with are people who are complaining about the relationships? Well, you're probably not going to ever change your relationship, because nobody's inspiring. You to be like, Hey, this is possible. Like, this is it can be beautiful and it can be great, and here's how I'm doing it. And then you're like, Yeah, I'm going to do that too. Like, you're just not surrounded by by those types of people. And sometimes it can be things that, like, you know, are like, like we were saying, like news outlets, like removing things from your life that are creating negative, of course, getting off Instagram accounts that create this, like Yuck, yucky feeling. Or getting off social media things that are like, creating this, like yucky feeling inside of you, creating, like, playlists that make you feel good, like on your music accounts, or, you know, listening to fun podcasts that are like, make you laugh and, yeah, I smile.

Eric MacDougall
This is so important, right? Because so for me, I listen to because I just want to kind of cap this one off. But for me, I watch, listen to a lot of novels, a lot of audio books, a lot of television shows that are, like, intense, heavy, yeah, like you, you know, a lot of detective shows, a lot of crime, a lot of stuff like that, yeah. That brings a lot of joy to some people, yes. So this is important. I like it. It's compelling, but I actually recognize sometimes the weight that it has on me, and then sometimes I feel like, wow, like I need something positive. There's

Kate MacDougall
some episodes I've had to stop watching, like, some series I've had to stop watching because it was too heavy, and I would go to bed feeling like, so sad for the characters, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I hate watching this show. It makes me so sad. Yeah, and I'm not saying you have to, like, listen,

Eric MacDougall
there's great television out there, but the reality is, sometimes you have to balance that out. And that's what I realize sometimes too. What I realize sometimes too, it's like, okay, I need to, like, listen to podcasts and listen silly. Exactly? Sitcom, sitcom. It's just funny. That's light. I need to even with your friends, right? It's like, this is something that happens with me and the men in the group too. It's like, Hey, we're talking about all this heavy stuff. But I also want to have this other part of the relationship that's, like, fun and light and hilarious, right? So if you're around people and you're never laughing with them, and you're just serious and talking about problems all the time, it's time to think about, Hey, how can I introduce more positivity? But even more powerful, how can I surround myself with more positivity? Exactly, yes, I love that. What's number four? Well, when

Kate MacDougall
you're not finding joy in your life, what happens oftentimes is that you're you try to control a lot around you. And I find that something that I I live, I in my own life, I do often. I when I feel overwhelmed or when I feel angry or I'm not feeling a lot of joy, I try to control everything and everyone around me. And so what happens is, in those situations, is I become like a no, like a no, no, I'm not doing that. No, I'm not doing that. So to embrace more joy in your life, to invite more joy in your life, you need to start embracing spontaneity. And what that means is like saying yes to possible fun opportunities doing things that are totally different. Yeah, exactly, being radical when it. Comes to introducing new things in your life. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, like when we're not feeling a lot of joy, we like plan, we like structure. We like staying in that comfortable box, but doing things that are unplanned, getting out of that comfort zone that is going to bring more joy into your life. Yeah, absolutely. And

Eric MacDougall
I think novelty, spontaneity, like, these things are really, really important in a person's life. And I actually think it's one of the easiest ones. I even say all the time, like, one of the things we do with the kids a lot is we go to different grocery stores and we buy food that we've never, like seen

Kate MacDougall
before, yeah? Like, we end up going to, like, YouTube how to even cut these fruits, yeah? And this is like, an ongoing joke, right? Or recipes.

Eric MacDougall
Like, one of the things we love doing go to bookstores, you know, pick out a recipe book, and just point in a recipe, take a picture, and it's like, this is the recipe I'm doing tonight, you know, yeah, and then have to go buy the ingredients, and, like, this is stuff I've never heard of. Yeah,

Kate MacDougall
one of my co workers actually, she'll, like, make a dinner, like, say it's like, a Mexican themed dinner, and then she'll put on, like, a Mexican playlist, like a Mexican music playlist. I'm like, I love that. That's so much fun. And it's it just makes it so much more spontaneous, so much more different. It's not just like same old same old, so getting out of that, you know, same old same old, that Groundhog Day kind of brought Wash, rinse, repeat. It feels so good, and it does bring joy. And you know, having those spontaneous, like dance parties in your kitchen, and having those spontaneous, like, game nights and not planning everything, just being like, Hey, we're all kind of sitting around on our phones and watching TV, like, let's stop let's everybody put your electronics away. Let's go to the table. Let's play, like, this silly game. Yeah, and,

Eric MacDougall
you know, it's funny. I really, really thing here is that, like, introducing randomness is really important. Francis and I've been playing this game where you kind of pick characters and then and then fight with each other. And like, for me, I just always pick random. And he's like, he's like, why are you doing that? I'm like, it's fun. Like, it's fun to not know, like, in video games, video games. Yeah, no. And then so now he started doing it, and he's like, that's, it sounds really crazy, but like, just allowing that little bit. So if you feel like I was controlling, control

Kate MacDougall
of your life. It's removing that need to control everything. And he does, like our son has that need to control, yeah. And

Eric MacDougall
so I think this is a very simple one to do, right? So what's the number five? Number

Kate MacDougall
five is practice gratitude, celebrate small wins, which is, you know, everyone's like, Duh. Like, I do that every day. Like, no, you don't. You probably don't. When's the last time you actually stopped and looked at your life and was like,

Eric MacDougall
wow, yeah. Like, reason you're so happy is because you are taking things for granted. That's probably the reality, right? Yeah. And this is so there's a lot of science behind gratitude, and I don't want to go too deep, because for me, the gratitude has completely changed my life. It's something that I tell everybody to do

Kate MacDougall
regular practice in your group. Yep,

Eric MacDougall
absolutely. Yeah. We have a whole channel dedicated to daily gratitude where people just say that, you know, if you, you know, one of the things, sorry, I'm kind of this topic is so important, we're gonna do a podcast on gratitude. You know what I mean? But like, I literally, like, I talk to people who have been in, like, AA, NA, like, all that stuff, and gratitude is a massive part of shifting your life. And so having gratitude practice is really important. And it's not just like I'm gratitude for these big things. Like, there are a lot of things you take for granted that you're not grateful for, I say all the time, like, infinite amount of water that's coming out of my tap. We live in a country with a crazy amount of fresh water per person, right? And so to be grateful that I have so much water that I never even think about running out electricity is another easy one, right?

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, and this was truly a huge catalyst in changing our relationship. Was when we were able to become grateful for one another, to see the small wins, to see the small things we can be grateful for with each other. Because when you're in a place in your relationship where you kind of dislike the other person, it's it's really hard to start liking another person if you're not seeing the good in them. Yeah.

Eric MacDougall
And if, for some people, they're at a place where they're really struggling, well, I will say, but like, think about the glass being 5% full. Don't worry about 100% Yeah, and I remember, just worry about that 5%

Kate MacDougall
we started at the beginning of our journey when we were, like, working on a relationship actively. Like, one of the big things was practice gratitude for one another. And it was like, the first times was like, I'm really grateful you said good morning to me this morning. Honestly,

Eric MacDougall
in the beginning it was like, I'm grateful that we didn't fight today, yeah? Like, at some point it got so bad, there was like, I'm grateful, you know, you were probably like, I'm grateful Eric didn't yell at me, yeah? Or I'm grateful we went to bed without fighting, right? Like, and this is kind of sounds really crazy, but like that. But it was the

Kate MacDougall
beginning, it was honestly celebrating those small wins, which after a while, then it was like, I'm grateful for the way you spoke to me. I'm grateful that you know today this this happened and in your

Eric MacDougall
work, thank you. I'm grateful you poured me a cup of coffee. Eventually

Kate MacDougall
you start seeing the small things, and you start seeing your spouse in a new light. And you know, doing this with your kids too, like sometimes you just gotta hate on for some. Them, like one of them, or all of them, and you just have to, like, okay, like, I gotta, I gotta be more grateful for this kid. Like this kid has some, some beautiful aspects of him or her, whatever, and and sometimes you just have to stop and find those again in order to be able to see them in a different life. And maybe your relationship's great. Maybe it's your own joy that you have to find your own life, that you have to find maybe it's you need to sit down and be like, What am I grateful for today in my own life that has nothing to do with anybody else, that has nothing to do with my husband or my kids, has to do with my life, the one that I'm living daily. Yeah, you know, it might be as small as I'm grateful that I was able to get up and go to work today. I'm

Eric MacDougall
grateful that I was able to have a life today. Yeah, right, that's another thing too. It's like, I'm grateful that I have another day today. Yeah, because some people don't get another day. That's

Speaker 1
it. And sometimes, honestly, it might mean going on social media and looking at people who just lost a kid or who just lost their job and their and you're like, holy like, here I am complaining that my kid has too many toys, and I'm tripping all over them. Like, I'm sure if my kid was on their deathbed, I would want to be tripping on their toys. I would be happy to trip on their toys.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. And I know Brene Brown, right? She calls these, like, sliding door moments, but moments where, like, you actually are not able to appreciate them until they're gone. And so right now, like, we fight with our kids, and it's like, oh, God, why are you doing this? But actually, there's gonna be a time when I'm gonna miss my son being annoying. I'm gonna miss my daughter, like doing something right, because it's gonna be gone. And I'm oftentimes, there's these things, you know, people taking relationships for granted, people taking their health for granted. I think about how much I take just walking in my legs for granted, and then I see somebody who can't walk right, who's always in a wheelchair or bedridden, and I'm like, holy crap, this is something I take for granted. I can just move around

Kate MacDougall
whenever in a cast for about six months, and you're gonna be like, Dang Yeah, I'm so happy

Eric MacDougall
I have two feet, yeah? And so I love number five, do you want to go through them again? Just quickly? Yeah?

Kate MacDougall
So number one, reconnecting with your inner child. Number two, prioritizing your self care and your well being, taking care of yourself so you can actually feel that joy. Number three, surrounding yourself with positivity, positive people, positive things, positive music, whatever that looks like for you. Number four, embracing spontaneity and number five, practicing gratitude and celebrating those small wins. Love

Eric MacDougall
that. And I think if you can even this week, introduce one of these into your life, that's a massive win, right? And so go slow. Pick one that feels good to you, or maybe you feel good at all of these. And you're like, I do all of these, well, upgrade them, right? Maybe doing more often, changing the behavior a bit, taking it to the next level, I think will have a massive impact on not only the way that you experience your life and you experience joy, but also on the impact you're going to have on others. Because we love being around people who are joyous and positive and outgoing, right? That's something we really love.