Questions to Improve your Sex Life (Part 2)

Eric and Kate MacDougall explore the dynamics of sexual desire and intimacy in this insightful episode.

Topics:
➡️ 'Brakes and Accelerators' Explained: Discussing the factors that influence sexual desire.
➡️ Impact of Personal History: How background and daily stresses shape sexual dynamics.
➡️ Enhancing Communication: Strategies for improving intimacy and understanding in relationships.

Join the FREE Evolved Men's Collective Facebook Group

Book Your Breakthrough Plan

FREE RESOURCE - The Four Skills to Evolve your Marriage


TRANSCRIPT:

Eric MacDougall
So today, we're talking about the next three questions. Next three questions. Yeah. So as we did before, we're gonna invite the listeners to reflect on these questions. Also, ask them to your spouse if you find that's appropriate, but also discuss with your friends. People should be having more discussions about these types of things. Yes.

Kate MacDougall
But before we start with these questions, I do want to go back on a concept because these three questions are very much, you know, surrounding this concept of Emelina, Gauss keys, brakes versus accelerators. Yeah, like the dual responses to do a response system. So what happens is, everybody has brakes, everybody has these accelerators in their body. And it's kind of a way for your brain to either get turned on. So those would be like your sexual accelerators, or to get turned off yeah. And stop yourself from wanting to facts, desiring sex or desiring any action of physical illness. Yeah, so

Eric MacDougall
the brakes go on when you need to be protected in saying like, ooh, watch this, you know, don't go that way. Yeah, the brakes go on in your mind. Yeah, saying don't get turned on. Don't get excited. Ignore all that. And then the accelerators are, ooh, that's something we should probably, you know, do a little more of that because it's gonna feel good and yeah,

Kate MacDougall
so it's different for everybody. Everybody has this duality, sometimes, some people's break czar a lot more sensitive than their accelerator and some people's accelerators are a lot more sensitive than the brakes. And there's no one way to be that's better than the other. It's just how your body individually is wired. And everybody's wired, wired differently.

Eric MacDougall
And what and it's not just your body, it's also your belief systems. Well,

Kate MacDougall
I mean, I've been like, figuratively speaking, your body is wired, though, because

Eric MacDougall
I'm very logical and literal. No. But I just I really want to make that difference here. Because, you know, very, like, whether you're a man or a woman, it could be different. Your upbringing, your cultural background, like there's just so much that goes into this. And it's individualistic for everybody. So just understand that, that we all have things that turn us off, and things that turn us off. Yeah,

Kate MacDougall
and we do have past episodes that actually, we talk way more in depth about this. So if this is something you're like, what an amazing concept. Well, we didn't come up with it. I believe Nick kowski. did. And also we have a past episode. All about it. Check it out. Check it Oh, alright. So first question. Evolve nation nation. Wow,

Eric MacDougall
it's gonna get old next week, new co host.

Kate MacDougall
Okay, so question number one, what activates my accelerators. And as we spoke about last week, these are questions I am asking myself. So Kate, what acts of accelerates,

Eric MacDougall
activates activate acts.

Kate MacDougall
Okay, they're my accelerators. Yeah.

Eric MacDougall
What activates your accelerators. So what is it that you watch? etc, that turns you on?

Kate MacDougall
Right. And it's not so much at that turns me on like, like, Ooh, this is kind of getting me turned on like, not not in that way. an accelerator is more of what is it that makes me want desire to have sex want to? Desire wants to desire desire sex, not want to desire don't makes me desire sex? So put them wha it would be? I'm passing this question on to you. Wow. I gotta think about this. Well, not much. Not much. I'll be honest. Not much activates. Yeah.

Eric MacDougall
I mean, it would be easy for me to say everything. Oh.

Kate MacDougall
No, but it's true. Some people it is.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, no, no, for me, honestly. I think. So. I'm definitely spontaneous inside my yoga pants. Yeah. So I guess the first thing I don't know how to get anything done around this house walk around every time. But so I definitely think that what accelerates me now is much more narrow than what used to kind of light up my accelerators because I think it's much more focused on you. Me, Kate. Yeah, like you, Kate. I think that, you know, it's not like a thing people do or whatever. That brings up those arousals in me, I think sometimes it's specifically what Kate does like you what you're wearing, how you're being playful how you're being flirtatious your energy. You know, I think when you're when you're laughing when you're snorting Yeah, all that. I think for me, that is a great example of like, what brings my accelerators, I will say that there's like, kind of default things. So whenever I'm like, around somebody that has like, a really, like, beautiful scent to them. That like that, like, accelerated, like, brings all my accelerators like, ooh, that makes me like, desire that scent. You know what I mean? The other thing too, that I think I'm thinking a lot. So, but the other thing

Kate MacDougall
that when a human walks?

Eric MacDougall
No, no, but I think I it's might sound weird to say, you know, I'm sure my therapist would love this one. But Oh, geez. I do like very outgoing, like assertive women. I think that's why like when think about your playfulness, your outgoingness you're like, I think that's something that like, I am attracted to that, like, kind of like gets me excited. So whenever I'm with somebody, and they have like, a really great energy and they're outgoing. Yeah. And they have, I'm like, I'm like, Oh, I'm excited to like, you know what I mean? And so and I think oftentimes, like, I'm seeking that from you, but sometimes I notice it, like I'll be you know, different clubs, or I'll be like at the dojo or something and there's an energy and it's like, oh, that's like noticeable over there. You know what I mean? And so I think that's probably it. So yeah, yoga pants. Sense. Also, just like often thinking about your body like smelling your hair, touching your hair touching your body those things for sure. But definitely like yeah, the sense of like, aliveness like life energy, like that's very attractive to me.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, you're very attracted to the feminine because you're very masculine. Right. So it's like your polar opposite. Yeah, love it. What about you? So did

Eric MacDougall
you finally think of one thing?

Kate MacDougall
As soon as I passed the mic, I was like, no, no, I thought of it. I thought of it. For me accelerators is talking about sex. Okay. Yeah. When we talk about sex, we tend I tend to, that tends to put on the accelerators for me, like, I'll be like, Oh, no, no, I don't have to think of all my other problems. I'm thinking of this conversation. And it's bringing my mind towards having sex. Because you know, if we're talking about the kids, or we're talking about my family, or we're talking about what we're going to do this weekend, and whatever, like, I don't necessarily my mind, my mind, does not think about sex, I would say probably ever, I really have to bring my mind to think about sex. I have I have to go there consciously, to help to get in that space. And sometimes, yeah, if my accelerators would be that I need help to get there. Therefore, when we talk about sex, or when we're, you know, like, and will often bring it up, like, I'll often be like, hey, like, you know, or what, you'll bring it up, like, what is, you know, something that we did in the past that was like, really, like, arousing to you. And then we'll talk about, like, specific moments between you and I, and that'll like, kind of like, get me like, more

Eric MacDougall
of that. I want to talk about this more quickly. Yeah.

Kate MacDougall
So yeah, those are kind of my accelerators, my accelerator. My main one, I think would be, yeah,

Eric MacDougall
what happens that hits your accelerators? Yeah. So when you have conversations about sex, your accelerators get hit. So the gas pedal goes on in your brain.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah. And if I feel like that want for connection, kind of like we talked about the last episode, if I have that desire for connection, that deep connection that I'm wanting, I'll probably be more likely to talk about sex with you, I'll maybe ask questions about sex or start imagining things in my head that you know, past sex things in my head, like whatever. And that will suddenly my accelerators will start like that that ball will start rolling. And so it's

Eric MacDougall
not just like me rubbing all have oil all over my body.

Kate MacDougall
I'm doing push ups in a room

Eric MacDougall
all right. All right. What's the next question?

Kate MacDougall
The next question is like the opposite. So yeah, exactly. So what hits my Berg

Eric MacDougall
hit your brakes? So what are you observing what's happening that tells your brain Whoa, let's not get excited here.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, like, I would say that I live my life with my brakes constantly on so nothing hits hits them. I think the next question will be more important. And for me, okay, like, I'm not even joking here. Like, serious. Like, I think my sexual brake is on a lot. But

Eric MacDougall
so this is what I'm curious about. Like, when I think about brakes. It's actually like a resistant, I

Kate MacDougall
guess, turn off. Like, that's not happening. Yeah.

Eric MacDougall
It's like so somebody, you know, it's like, oh, like, I'm aroused by you. And you're like, No, get away from me gross, like, you know, kind of thing again, that's an extreme example. Maybe what's happening is like, you're not on the brake and you're not in the accelerator. And it just actually takes a lot to get the accelerator going. I don't know if that's true for you. Maybe it is that you're just like resisting it all the time. Right. So when you see like a good looking, man, you're like, Look, don't don't go there. Don't think about that. Or, or is it just that

Kate MacDougall
like, I'll see a good looking man and not even think about Sykes? I'll be like that man is good looking. But no part of me is like, let's have sex. Right? So

Eric MacDougall
you're not like resisting it? No, I'm, I just just your accelerator takes a lot of pressure to get going.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, maybe that? Yeah. Okay. So okay, so I don't sit around life with my foot on the accelerator. Oops,

Eric MacDougall
on the brake. Yeah. But like you're not really wary of sex. Gotta make sure we don't have any sex. Don't talk about sex. Don't think about,

Kate MacDougall
like closing my eye to guide like, Oh my God, please don't or when I

Eric MacDougall
come to kiss you. You're like, no, no kisses. I don't want this to go anywhere. No, yeah. But

Kate MacDougall
I think honestly, like, what makes my breaks go is if I'm not, if my mind isn't on sex, if I'm thinking about the kids, if I'm thinking about the kids on my work, if I'm thinking like, I think I just have a lot that kind of happens in my head, and often I have trouble like getting out of my head. I'm still thinking of you know, that little kid I had at second period, who's struggling and what can I do to help them and then I'm thinking of like the temper tantrum or our one of our kids had after dinner and I'm thinking of what I'm going to do this weekend with my kids so I can show up better as a mom like a lot of it has to do with kids which to me kids is the furthest thing from sex like, like but

Eric MacDougall
is there a moment actually just really curious about this but so in those moments, do you feel yourself like resisting sex? or does that only happen when like, I enter into your aura with like bids for connection? Because I would imagine that when you're on the right headspace, and I'm like, Hey, how's it going? Then your brakes go on? Right? No. Like, they hard. I love this, but I'm sorry. I'm not really into it. To me, that would be an example of breaks, but I don't know maybe. Yeah, I just think maybe you're like on the lookout. Oh, here comes Eric. On the sweatshirt. And like, you know, far. Yeah. Like, I don't

Kate MacDougall
know, I guess no, like, No, I'm not walking around with like, swords up. But like, I, I guess if you come up to me. And you're like, hi, hey, I'll be like, not? Because I'm there like my brains thinking about. So

Eric MacDougall
that's when you're like breaking your you're like, do not go there. Like, you're saying that to yourself? Like don't? Yeah, don't get into this. Don't you play this game kind of thing? Does that make sense? What I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. So I do think you know, what the question again was like, what hits my brain when it's your break? It sounds like, it's mostly around, like in response to my bid for connection.

Kate MacDougall
If my mind is elsewhere, right. So I think my brakes are hit if we hadn't, if we haven't had a lot of connection. If you and I have kind of been living separate lives in the same home, because that happens. Where you know, you're busy doing your things. I'm busy doing my things. We haven't had a lot of time to connect or talk or be together. And then you're like, Oh, hey, though, whoa, who is this stranger in my home? And what is he doing trying to get in my head? That's too busy thinking about other things. What's

Eric MacDougall
the threat there for you? Like, what is the resistance?

Kate MacDougall
I think it's like, the resistance is I I'm I'm thinking like, I'm not there yet. Like, like, I think the fear is if I respond to this, Hey, I might be then I might have to have sex in the next five seconds, and I'm not ready for that.

Eric MacDougall
You'll look I got swept into it. Yeah. And then you'll be too far into it to say no. Yeah. Because that's very common, right? Like women's time where it's like, actually, I felt like I couldn't say no, yeah,

Kate MacDougall
that's exactly it. It's, it's, I'm afraid that if I say yes, then I won't be able to change my mind. Yeah, yeah. I'm afraid that if I'm like, Fine, Eric, okay, I will try this. And then I'm afraid that like, oh, well, no, I've started a better I better finish this job.

Eric MacDougall
So I think so many women are in our like, yelling at them. Like, yes, that's exactly,

Kate MacDougall
yeah. So I think the breaks is, is this feeling of like, I don't have time to finish this job to nine out which

Eric MacDougall
I get, which is not certainly

Kate MacDougall
at that time, when my mind is elsewhere, if we haven't been connecting. If I'm thinking about all the kids in my life, and we I haven't, we haven't connected and I don't have that like playful energy with you. We haven't really been friends, we've been more partners, and like business partners and household partners. It's hard for me to tap into that playful energy with you that quickly. Yeah, and my fear is if I do kind of follow you in that energy, then I won't be able to like, get out of it.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, you'll have to like sacrifice yourself, betray yourself, whatever you wanna call it. Yeah.

Kate MacDougall
And then and then apply it. And we have made an agreement a long time ago in our relationship, that we will not force ourselves no more

Eric MacDougall
about sex, no more about sex, no more sex, where we're not experiencing pleasure in connection.

Kate MacDougall
So even though it has become easier for me to stop in the middle of sacks and be like, I'm done. I'm not feeling it anymore. Like, it has happened. At times, especially when our connection isn't as strong, it's still difficult, that is still difficult for me to do. And then I'll fall into old patterns of like, well, I gotta complete this. And that doesn't feel good. Yeah. And it's like, exactly. It's a betrayal of myself. But it's also a betrayal of our relationship, because we have made that promise to each other.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. And so it sounds like for you the breaks is like the thought that you're not going to be able to say yes, but only a little bit like, yes, let's see where this goes. I think you're able to do that. I don't want to like lead you on. Yeah, exactly. Well, and you don't want to like to create conflict and then me being like, fine. You want to do do like

Kate MacDougall
because and I think that that's a very normal pattern in our relationship. And in many relationships, I'm sure is that idea of when you're disconnected when you haven't been as connected? complex happens easier. They happen faster and they're stronger. And they're harder to heal from because you don't have that solid foundation. Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. Anytime, anytime you need me to

Eric MacDougall
tell me why you don't want to have sex with me, I'm happy. I think it's fun.

Kate MacDougall
Sure that what is your break?

Eric MacDougall
I was thinking about this one. So for me, I think what hits my brakes is, you know, as you think about now, so anything that is too silly. Like for me when I think about the act of sex or having sex with you or things like that. To me, like it's important to me, and I want to feel connected. And there is a certain, let's say, like, it's serious business Sermo. Yeah, but sometimes definitely, like, you're okay, something happens where like, won't be playful. And then you like, do something. And I'm like, okay, that's like your ticket way over the line. You were waiting. Yeah. And now I'm just like, I'm not into it anymore. Like, like, we're

Kate MacDougall
like, oh, like a tickle fight. And we're like, Oh, cute. And then I'm, like, punch you in the head.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. And then I'm like, That's too much. It's just not fun anymore. So that hasher I think too, like, there is something to me, that is very intimidating about aggression. And so I find that, like, any times, like, this is just a general thing. Like when I see people like hitting each other and stuff, it's just something that I'm not comfortable with. But it's like boxing matches and stuff. I've just never been into that. But you know, sometimes we're like, in the bedroom, or we're thinking and like this level of aggression. And I'm just like, whoa, like, that's too much like, you know what I mean? And I think even as I'm saying it now, like, it's part of me is like, oh, that might be nice. But then when I experienced that, I'm like, this is not working for me. Yeah. Like it's too aggressive. Like, I don't feel comfortable. Like everything else comes up in me of like, whoa, wait a minute. There's aggression here, like, put on the brakes. Stop. Right. And so yeah, I think like any sort of anything outside, I think about, like, for me, I imagine this idea of like, here's the playground want to play in anything that's way far on this side, where it's like, hey, now you're like, just wait too silly and serious? No, that's not for me. And then the other side, which is like, wow, this is like, you're way too aggressive. And there's like, it's actually pain, pain. It's happening now. I'm like, I'm not into that. I would say those things. But for the most part, I do think I'm, I don't know, I say this now. I think between the two of us, I'm much more open to like discovery. And like, you know, if you were like, oh, it's I want to try this. Alright, let's, let's try that. You know, I don't know where it's gonna go. I don't know if I'm gonna try it. But I guess we could try it. Yeah. You know, I don't think there's anything really to me that's like, I would be like, no, like, I'm absolutely not doing that. Yeah, like, No, that's a total turnoff. You know what I mean? Right. So I think, I think to me, probably that comes from, I like the idea of like sex being kind of this gray area playground where we discover. And so to me, it's like, Oh, you want to introduce these things? Well, let's introduce them and see where it goes. If it doesn't, we can have the freedom to not just take them out. You know what I mean? And I think that some people have the fear of like, Oh, if I introduced this thing, I'm never gonna be able to take it back. Right. You know, it's like, well, if we decide to do this type of sex now, it's gonna have to be like that. Oh, you did that one time. So now we have to do it. And you liked it? Yeah. I don't necessarily have that fear. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so, yeah, so I would say that for the most part, my playground is pretty open. Okay. Yeah. What was the last question?

Kate MacDougall
The last question is what contexts allow, you know, allow for my breaks to be released? So I'll start that again. What contexts allow for my breaks by pranks to be released? Yeah. So this is like I wish I could get through this question.

Eric MacDougall
It's already read it so this sounds like you know people who have very sensitive brakes or have their foot on the brake in terms of like they're resistant they were kind of on guard Yeah. for sex. So they don't want to open themselves up to it that yeah, not like their fault. They're not they're not actively it's just like

Kate MacDougall
that but I think there's also some natural breaks you know, your wife sick your you just had a fight with your spouse. I mean, for some people that's the next Oh, should I think generally speaking, there's some pretty normal breaks you know, just how to fight with my spouse. Probably not gonna want to say all the breaks are normal. Yeah. I mean, more general pop.

Eric MacDougall
Okay. Right is general pop problems.

Kate MacDougall
So when you're feeling these general breaks, you know, you just had an argument and an Annette like, what would get you from that argument to possibly releasing those brakes back to neutral back. Neutral, not necessarily accelerate. But back to neutral back to like, not like, I'm going to withhold sex from you because I am angry, like,

Eric MacDougall
I'm gonna close myself up to preventing myself. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah.

Kate MacDougall
So I think, yes, there's the part of, there's some people who just kind of have really sensitive brakes. But I think there's also the part of like, there are some natural occurring occurring brakes, and what would it take for you to release that brake in order to possibly be open to accelerating? Yeah,

Eric MacDougall
so what I just think about the breaks that I said, which were, you know, this idea of like bringing too much silliness, and like, Okay, now we're not actually, like, it's not connecting to me anymore, or bringing too much aggression. I think what I would be looking for in those moments, like, I'm really thinking, like, Okay, this just happened. And I'm, like, out of the moment, like, No, thanks. I think, first off, like it like a genuine acknowledgment of like, oh, I

Kate MacDougall
went too far, maybe like,

Eric MacDougall
yeah, like, Oh, hey, there's not even like, you went too far. But like, hey, I can see how that impacted you. Right? Like, I can see that the behavior I did, just there, like, definitely had an impact on you. Sorry about that. This really was my intention, like a genuine apology, but like, and then like, kind of like a willingness to try again, to be like, you know, if you're up for it, you know, I'd like to maybe connect and maybe take this this experience a little more seriously, or whatever. Or even you know, if it's on the aggressive part be like, Sorry, that was intense, or, I shouldn't call you all those names. Because because it's not a turn on to your

Kate MacDougall
name. There's a part of you that feels sometimes like, if I take things too far, do you think my intent do you assume my intent in doing that is like a passive aggressive way of me saying, I don't want to have sex, but I don't want to tell you. But if I act like an idiot, you're not gonna have sex. So I don't think that's why you kind of need that apology. No,

Eric MacDougall
I don't think that I think I make it more about me in that moment. Okay. And so in the moment, like, it sounds like you're saying, like, you're kind of trying to sabotage our experience, because I'm not into it. I'm afraid that that's what you think. No, that's not what I think. I think in those moments as it's happening, I take it more along the lines of like, oh, like, she doesn't really get me like she, like, are we like this disconnected that she doesn't see that? I'm trying to connect to her. So

Kate MacDougall
by me apologizing, you then feel more seen you feel like okay, so she does see me? Yeah,

Eric MacDougall
like, Oh, she does get that like this moments important to me. Yeah. And that, like, I want to connect with her in a in a genuine way. Right. And so, to me, in those moments, it's much more about like, I think, like, if I think about like, the tantrum kid inside me, that's hurt. It's like, like, doesn't she see, like, how important this is to me. You know, like, it's like, if, you know, I think about, like, if I was like, trying to do something and succeed, and you were just like, laughing at me as I'm trying. I mean, like, can you see like, I'm trying, like, can't you see that? Um, you know, and I think so that's to me, like the, the apology and reconnection I want would be more along the lines of like, I know this is meaningful to you. And because it's meaningful to you like it's also meaningful to me. And so I think it's more along those lines of what gets disrupted. But it doesn't mean that you know, maybe you'd like calling me belligerent names. I gotta respect that too. Right? Like, maybe that's your thing. Because that means something to you. Maybe we can figure that out.

Kate MacDougall
We'd have to figure out something if that's what I wanted. But you know, I

Eric MacDougall
think in those moments, that is what kind of helped me take my foot off the brake would be like a genuine like, acknowledgement and understanding Yeah, of like, how I feel. What about you?

Kate MacDougall
I think for me, definitely this idea of like fun and novelty, and just reminding me to like, not take life too seriously. And not in the way of like, who don't take life too seriously. But like, helping me not take life so seriously, helping me get out of my head and bring reconnecting Yeah, like playfulness helping me reconnect with my feminine when I'm stuck in my masculine. When

Eric MacDougall
I gave you the boxing gloves the other hand you're Yeah, the crap. Exactly.

Kate MacDougall
Well, I'm not feminine. Yeah, I guess that's feminine. But ya know, exactly like that. Like, just to be like, Hey, Kate, like have a little fun. It's okay. Like it's okay. Don't be so serious.

Eric MacDougall
But not in that way. Yeah, not telling not and yeah, I can understand bringing almost like to

Kate MacDougall
tell you there was one of the one of the instructors that and one day and she kept saying that don't be so serious. Don't be so is it triggered me? I don't know. Like, it's just my face. Know what? It's

Eric MacDougall
like, don't be so serious. It's just as my face obviously. That's just my it's just me. Like it'd be kind of weird if I was just smiling ear to ear all the time. That's what psychopaths look like.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, no, she wasn't saying it to me. She's just like, she kept saying it to the class like she was. This is telling herself a mantra theory. Yeah, I think It was her Monjo but I was like, there's this trigger. Yeah. Anyway, so ya know, definitely reminding me to have fun by initiating play by initiating fun by initiating silliness by initiating novelty. Like, hey, I brought us food from a new restaurant, we haven't tried I, let's go for a walk on a different path. Today.

Eric MacDougall
It sounds like that would not only like remove, for lack of a better term, like the pressure in your life of like, hey, it's got to be this way. But it sounds also like something that's very attractive. Yeah. Right. Like, I think people in general are attracted to, or want like, new things, novel things, fun experiences, energetic experiences. Yeah.

Kate MacDougall
And sometimes I get so lost in my own head that I forget, like, to plan those things for myself or for us. And so I need help with that. And that. I know because I've, we've seen it in the past, right? Where like, we have this really nice light hearted day. And that's usually that usually when I'm, later on, I will actually, my accelerators will be more wrapped up versus just a normal regular day to day Groundhog Day life. Yeah.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. I appreciate you sharing that. Thank you. So for listeners, revolve nation. The three questions this week are?

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, let's get back all five. Okay.

Eric MacDougall
I like it. Let's

Kate MacDougall
do so, number one, what is it that I want? When I want sex?

Eric MacDougall
Number two is what is it? I like? What I like sex.

Kate MacDougall
Number three is what activates my accelerators.

Eric MacDougall
Accelerator. Number four is what activates my brakes. And

Kate MacDougall
the last question is what contexts allow for my brakes to be released? Yeah.

Eric MacDougall
So again, these questions are not only just to like, grill your partner and interrogate them, they're also probably more primarily for you to do some self reflection. Yeah, to understand, you know, your experience of sex. What is it you desire when you want sex? And again, I encourage you, right, like, if there's somebody in your life that you trust, maybe a friend, somebody like that, you know, if it is your partner, great, but just have these open discussions, just so you get used to talking about sex in a way that feels safe, and you know, with a person that you trust, yeah,

Kate MacDougall
and continue to check in with yourself because different life circumstances will bring different, you know, feelings, and maybe, you know, different experiences will change the way you feel about sex. So I think it's important, you know, like, every few months, ask these questions again, and continue asking yourself, and see and just check in where you're at and how it's different from last time. Love that.